FREE ON AMAZON, KOBO, APPLE, AND BARNES & NOBLE:
Katie McGuire just died, and that’s where her story begins. Because in a world where Vampires have civil rights, the last thing they can allow is for mortals to think that people are being turned against their will. So in order to maintain the fragile peace, a 600-year-old Vampire must bring Katie into the fold - or silence her forever.
She can't run, and she can't hide, not with midterms, a pregnant best friend, and a nerdy new love interest all needing her attention. Katie must learn to navigate the horrors of high school while trying to figure out what to do with the rest of her afterlife.
This is the story of
KATIE MCGUIRE, VAMPIRE
Katie McGuire’s first death wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be; getting up the next day was way more painful than the actual dying part. But it would really suck if she were to die a second time, because there would be no waking up from that.
So it would be great if everybody could just stop trying to kill her and let her get on with the rest of her afterlife already. Instead, a preacher’s widow is lobbying to have her rights cancelled, a gang of moralizing zealots is stalking her, and Trenton‘s clan has brought in a legendary Vampire hunter from the Dark Ages to silence her forever. Oh, and Benny is dying, and keeping him alive may be the key to curing her own condition - if she can stick around long enough.
But Katie would soon learn that
DEATH IS EVER NIGH
When Katie McGuire became a Vampire, she had a choice to make: either join the local clan for protection, or go about her afterlife alone in a world where everyone wanted her dead.
But it wasn’t much of a choice; all the local Vampires creeped her out, including Brian, her ex-boyfriend who went missing shortly after he killed her. Plus, it would have taken an army of mortals to challenge someone like Brian, which meant that whoever disappeared him was probably another Vampire. She would be better off making her way among mortals.
But a local gang was hatching a plan to trap and kill Katie, they were using her best friend as bait, and people were dying just because they looked like her. Eventually she would have to choose between sheltering with her own kind and defending the sort of people who would never accept
FREAKS LIKE US
Katie McGuire wasn’t very good at dying, and she didn’t want to get better at it, either. All she wanted was to go back to the way things were, and if dying a second time was what it took to get there, she was willing to give it a try.
Of course if she did manage to go back, she would lose all her superpowers, and there was no guarantee that she would lose her enemies in return. But the only superpower she really wanted was the ability to kiss her new boyfriend, Benny, without tearing his face off and sucking his life out. He was willing to become a Vampire just to be with her, but she was willing to risk her very existence just to become mortal again, especially if it meant that Benny wouldn’t have to go through the same experience.
But they were all about to learn that it was
BENNY'S TURN
Katie McGuire never forgave her ex-boyfriend for killing her. That’s why she felt no sympathy when his Vampire clan rejected him, and it’s why she refused his persistent attempts to help her. She may not have been firm about setting boundaries before, but turning her into a Vampire without her consent was a line Brian never should have crossed.
He still held out hope that he would make it up to her someday, and that she would someday be by his side again. So when a new, god-like Vampire named Allani came to town, he thought he saw an opportunity. Allani was recruiting Vampires she liked and killing the ones she didn’t, and she was quick to recruit Brian. Now all he had to do was convince her to spare Katie, who was the closest thing he had to a family.
But unfortunately for Brian, he was
ORPHANED AT DEATH
Katie McGuire wanted to study history, not kill it. But her fight with the goddess Allani upended her life, ruined her academic career, and forced her to leave her family behind.
It also triggered the ire of an ancient and much more powerful Vampire god named Shalim, who didn’t just want to kill Katie - he wanted to hurt her. Just as her training in Aldon’s secret order of Vampire Knights got underway, Shalim kidnapped her mom and brother to force a confrontation.
If she loses this fight, she and everyone she loves will die. But if she wins, she’ll draw the wrath of hundreds more like Shalim, all bent on putting an end to Katie before she beats them to the punch.
Because once you kill a god, you’ll forever be known as a
GOD KILLER
Kenny has two problems. First, he’s a Reset, which means that whenever someone murders him, he wakes up on the morning of his dying day to start all over again. Which might sound like a pretty awesome superpower, but it’s actually super sucky because he’ll eventually die of cancer or old age, after which point he'll just keep reliving his agonizing dying day forever.
His second problem is people keep murdering him.
So he teams up with another Reset and they storm the lab where it all began in an effort to undo this unordinary death disorder. They keep dying, they keep trying, and then they keep resetting and relaunching their attack until they almost succeed. But then the girl Kenny fell in love with gets kidnapped, and then his partner gets kidnapped, and then pretty much everyone else gets kidnapped, leaving Kenny all alone with his thoughts and a nagging question that just won’t die: what’s left to save when everyone and everything you know is gone?
Most people learn to write comedy through trial and error, an intuitive process that can take years to develop. But what most people don't know is that formulas and techniques exist which can cut that process down to about a month. Whether you're a novelist, essayist, blogger, journalist, speechwriter, ghostwriter, or advertiser, if you're looking for ways to integrate more humor into your writing, this book is for you.
This is the first of two short volumes covering over two dozen comedy-writing techniques and formulas, including:
- The Algebra of Humor
- The Listing Technique
- The Mind Mapping Method
- Spoonerisms and Malapropisms
- The Backdown Formula
- The Truth and Observation Formulas
- The Smashing Assumptions Formula
- The Roast Technique
- The Clash of Context Formula
- The Switch and Reverse Formulas
AND THE FIRST VOLUME IS FREE
So what are you waiting for?
Cory knew the world was about to end when a man who looked like Jesus arrived from the eastern sky and crash landed in his backyard. But he wasn’t afraid because his father, the Prophet, had predicted that Cory would lead their people through the Apocalypse.
Except it turns out Cory’s father wasn’t a prophet, he was a used spaceship salesman-turned-con artist from the Sagittarius Cluster. And the man who looked like Jesus was actually an alien named Zeus who came to earth to save Cory before the world got turned over to a species that loved the taste of human flesh. All they have to do is get off-planet before a reptilian bounty hunter catches them. If they succeed, Cory can petition the Galactic Government to spare the people of Earth. If they fail, Cory and everyone else on the planet will be turned into lizard poop.
So it turns out Cory’s father had been prophetic about one thing after all: the world was about to end, and only Cory could save it.
